- Author: Top 10 Kid
- Filed under: Humor
- Date: Jul 30,2007
10: A HUG
Even if your offer to comfort Johnny Law is completely heartfelt, it’s also the quickest way to catch a nightstick in the groin. (Unless you’re a Grandma)
9: A PEEK IN YOUR DIARY
It may work on you smaller siblings, but Kojack here doesn’t give a rats’ ass about which boy/girl you make out with your pillow to.
8: A FREE PUNCH
He has a badge and a gun. He can hand out free punches all day long as long as he stands just off to the side of the DashCam.
7: A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD
No one even uses those in Monopoly. You’d have a better chance of asking if you can roll doubles to get out of the ticket.
6: YOUR SACK LUNCH
Unless you packed some Top Sirloin and an Ice Cold Beer you might wanna keep your tuna sandwich to yourself.
5: CASH
It’s going to cost you more than any ticket you’ll receive so don’t bother. Instead save your money for college, genius. Or get a student loan.
4: A MASSAGE WITH HAPPY ENDING
Good luck getting Starsky to strip down and lie on the hood of your car. Plus cranking a cop on the interstate might draw too much attention.
3: DOUGHNUTS
They want them. You know they want them. But they will never take them because they don’t want to perpetuate the stereotype.
2: YOUR AUTOGRAPH
Cops never give the star treatment. Unless you are Bruce Springsteen.
1: THE SHOCKER
Just don’t.
- Author: Top 10 Kid
- Filed under: Humor
- Date: Jul 26,2007
10: In the dryer
That thing eats socks, not dead hookers.
9: In a movie theater
You might get away with sneaking in your own candy but you’re still gonna have to pay for two tickets and they will be alarmed when you ask for ONE ADULT and ONE DEAD HOOKER.
8: Your trunk
Dead hookers make horrible spare tires.
7: In the refrigerator
That is the wrong kind of leftovers.
6: The Salvation Army
They won’t even take your pee-stained couch, so they most likely won’t take a dead hooker.
5: Your dog ate it
If you think your dog craps all over the house when you give him a little table scrap now, wait til’ he has an entire dead hooker.
4: Between the couch cushions
It’s for loose change, not loose women.
3: Under the rug
Dust bunnies are not noticeable, sex bunnies ON dust are very noticeable.
2: In your other pants
Getting her in your pants is what got you in this predicament in the first place.
1: In your vegetable garden
I say tomat-O, you say tom-Ato, I say potat-O, you say “Oh my god is that a dead hooker?“
- Author: Top 10 Kid
- Filed under: Humor
- Date: Jul 24,2007
10: “Friends In Low Places” – Garth Brooks
You lazy bastard! You just want the bar to sing it with you so you don’t look like an idiot when you screw it up.
9: “Barbie Girl” – Aqua
Frat guys singing this song is not funny. Never was. Never will be.
8: “I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston
And I will always try to get my hearing back by the end of the night thanks to you.
7: “My Heart Will Go On” – Celine Dion (Titanic Theme)
I recommend only doing this song on cruise ships, though you probably will be pushed off the bow.
6: “I Touch Myself” – The Divinyls
This song is never sang by anyone we’d actually like to see touch themselves.
5: “Baby Got Back” – Sir Mixalot
Originally sung by a large black man. Forever after, sung by a skinny white guy during Happy Hour.
4: “I Got You Babe” – Sonny & Cher
Hey Lovebirds, sing it to each other at home. You’re kinda weirding us out.
3: “Rapper’s Delight” – Sugarhill Gang
You ain’t down with O.P.P., no one wants to see you “Jump Around”, because there is nothing “Delightful” about you trying to rap.
2: “Summer Nights” – Grease Soundtrack
Someone please “Hand Jive” the person’s face who chooses this song.
1: “Love Shack” – B-52s
No talent needed and any guy that participates automatically becomes the Gay Alpha Male of the bar.
- Author: Top 10 Kid
- Filed under: Humor
- Date: Jul 20,2007
We’re having alot of fun with this new site and thought it would be interesting to get some feedback on what YOU would like.
The first 3 TOP 10 KID lists were great and there are more coming soon but what we’d really like to know what kind of lists you guys would want to see.
TOP 10 People Who Piss You Off?
TOP 10 Things You’ll Never Eat Again?
TOP 10 Horrible Vacation Destinations?
What can you come up with?
So feel free to drop in a suggestion and maybe yours will be one of the next TOP 10′s!
- Author: Top 10 Kid
- Filed under: Humor
- Date: Jul 19,2007
10: BAD NEWS BEARS COACH BUTTERMAKER
Beer and baseball go hand in hand and this guy is an icon of them both.
9: STIFLER
All the Stifmeister wants is to drink beer and get laid. It’s hard to argue that philosophy.
8: ANY SAM ELLIOT CHARACTER
People pay Sam Elliot to tell stories. At least you won’t be stuck next to some schmuck who has nothing better to add than the occasional “I love you man!”.
7: RAY JACKSON (Bloodsport) – OGRE (Revenge of the Nerds)
What better guy to have as your backup if the barstools start flying.
6: CLYDE
An orangutan that likes to drink and fight. Aside from the occasional drunken poo flinging, Clyde would make an awesome drinking buddy.
5: BAD SANTA
The perfect holiday drinking partner.
4: HOMER SIMPSON & PETER GRIFFIN
The best of the best when it comes to drinking in 2-D.
3: THE McKENZIE BROTHERS
Canada’s finest.
2: BLUTO
“You should start drinking heavily.” is the type of advice I’d prefer to hear when things got me down.
1: FRANK THE TANK
3 words. “We’re going streaking!”
