TOP 10 Videogame Characters That Need To Die Off
- Filed under: Entertainment
- Date: Jul 3,2008
Game publishers love money and in their minds the best way to make that money is to take what made them successful and keep shoving it down our throats. It’s time to let some of them die so we can have something new and not be stuck playing the same out-dated characters from the 80’s or grizzled hero’s that populate most games today. These are the TOP 10 Videogame Characters That Need To Die Off.
10. Master Chief
The Halo series. I’m a huge fan but I’m finished with the faceless (completely generic) Spartan. If I have to hear one more Grunt screaming in it’s freakish little cartoon voice or be stuck facing endless floods of…er…the Flood I’m going to throw myself on an Energy Sword, that is if they existed.
9. Every Blond, Spikey-Haired, Pre-Teen, Anime Character
How do these overly emotion children keep finding themselves in situations that involve saving planets from monsters, aliens and giant robots every game? I’m pretty sure the hair gel companies have something to do with it. I can’t play one more game that involves some doe-eyed, prepubescent struggling with the loss of his family/kingdom/girlfriend/and/or floating bunny-fairy.
8. Samus
I’ll be honest. I don’t play Tomb Raider because I’m a guy and I like to pretend to be a bad-ass and not some dual-wielding chick in hot pants and a tube top. Metroid fooled me the first time into playing by waiting until the end to reveal the character was a girl. I’ll admit I had fun at first but now I just feel dirty and not just because I play games without pants.
7. Every World War II Soldier
I’ve spent more time on the beach at Normandy than our actual troops did. I have actual flashbacks whenever I hear a car backfire. I’ve even started eating rations. One more WWII game and I’m buying a Volkswagon bus and hiding out in Canada.
6. Solid Snake
Snake is a bad-ass if not a little bit odd, but hopefully this is his last run because I’m starting to hear that “alert” noise in my everyday life and my girlfriend has finally figured out why I keep an empty cardboard box in the living room. Just retire Old Snake, spend some time with your grand kids or something.
5. Orcs/Elves/Dwarves
Orcs, Elves and Dwarves have become so generic that they show up in most games. Any day now you’ll be playing a military shooter and be able to choose whether you character is a Night Elf Demolitions Mage or a Dark Dwarf Combat Medic.
4. Donkey Kong
You can only do so much with games about a giant ape. Sure, you can throw him into a race car (as believable as that is) or make him play bongos but then what? Roleplaying? Sim-Donkey Kong? I don’t want to play as the monkey anymore unless it involves flinging poo at plumbers.
3. Link
Will he just come out of the closet already? If there has to be one more game involving Link it should at least be something like “Queer Eye For That Ganondorf Guy”. Not saying there’s anything wrong with that but I’m done playing with that sissified, pointy-eared, little wimp because as I said before…enough with the Elves already.
2. Sonic
Oh c’mon, it’s a friggin’ blue hedgehog that runs super fast. Hedgehogs aren’t even known for their speed let alone having an affinity to collecting golden rings. It was cute once but then they took it too far and started bringing in more ridiculous characters like the equally questionable spike-knuckled echidna?!
1. Mario
An Italian plumber who fights apes, turtles, walking mushooms, ghosts and dragons to save a Princess. Talk about throwing a dart at wall full of random to make a game. It’s a classic and really hard to diss because most of the games were pretty damn fun but can’t we move on yet? It’s not like the character has given a new found respect to the plumbing profession. And no, I don’t want a “new” game featuring a French waste disposal man who fights orangutans, salamanders, walking potatoes, poltergeists and Loch Ness Monsters to save a Dutchess.
45 Responses for "TOP 10 Videogame Characters That Need To Die Off"
So you want to remove every famous character and every generic character type… I guess pong is left
I LOVE PUG SWEATERS!!!
Oh and FUCK THIS! Mario and DK are the shit! Non-Nerds love’em, Nerds HATE!
Do you have a deathwish? I mean, you’re gonna end up being killed by some halo fanboy, or possibly worse, be mauled to death by a plumber.
LOL, Nice one. Real nice. Dude that is just too dang funny! ROTFL
JT
http://www.FireMe.To/udi
@ Author: You need to go kill yourself as soon as possible.
Do you hate videogames or something?
You just spilled a cup of wrong all over my happy pants.
This who thing is dumb. You want to kill off the characters which made gaming, your opinion is that of a retard.
You’ve pretty much summed up every profitable game franchise, who continue to make tons of cash. I did notice a couple of valid points, but really, if Nintendo retired Mario, all you’d hear are complaints from the whole world over that the ‘New Guy’ isn’t half the plumber/rocket-zombie/interior decorator that the original Super Mario Bros were. So, while you might be sick of the franchises, I doubt Mario, Link and Samus are going anywhere just yet.
Did anyone else notice the irony of ‘Snake’ hiding under The Orange Box?
So errr… what the hell would be left, series wise? Not much. These are characters that have (mostly) stood the test of time… granted Sonic + Mario are getting on a bit now, but it’s not really the characters that need to change, just the design of future games that they’re put in.
I mean, even ‘another’ WW2 shooter could be great if done with the same thought and atmosphere as CoD4, it blew me away compared to the rest of it’s prequels. Even if it still maintained the ‘on rails’ feel. Crysis engine and world + CoD4 storyline/atmospheric action would = win.
Bad move making a list that basically alienates most of the top games on the market. Fans DO NOT WANT, i think.
U-ARE-DUMB u want to kill off every good charachter or thing in gaming?and master chief he is AWESOME so shut ur mouth i think ur wrong in the head or sum evil villain trying to destroy gaming
This post is very weak. Save you time.
I thought that the pictures were the best part of the article, myself
Holy crap, internet users are getting dumber by the day.
Almost every comment is pathetic!
Get a fucking clue people!
IF YOU FOUND THIS OFFENSIVE YOU HAVE NO LIFE, SENSE OF HUMOUR AND MOST LIKELY NO FRIENDS AS WELL!
For the record number 9 is Vash from Trigun.
He isn’t preteen at all.
He’s like 131 ish.
He’s not really doe eyed. He’s kinda like David Tennet’s Doctor Who.
Quirkyness over a very black darkness evolving death and destruction.
Thank you for wasting my time by coming to this site. The list that you provided was the most useless, uninteresting pile of crap I’ve read in awhile. While I don’t think you should kill yourself, I do think you should probably think before you write articles like this.
Well, I totally agree with the anime characters, world war 2 soldiers, and Orcs/dwarfs/trolls and whatnot, but are you kidding, Solid Snake? Samus? MARIO? After this, why dont we go off and destroy the godfather series and kill Metallica.
Lol, that was great…funny article.
i agree. this post is a waste of time
You’ve made it obvious that you have the worst opinion on video games since Jack Thompson. MGS4 was one of the best games this year, and name me one Metroid game that was bad? You’re a retard. Fail.
The Internet does NOT appreciate this. The Internet believes that Solid Snake has NOT been in enough games.
Go die.
so very true
the only one i agree with is the blonde pretten anime character….
you are a fool for wanting mario, link, solid snake, and master chief to die off!!!!
horrible article.
I agree that many characters should retire. Especially Mario and Sonic. This man is not a retard for thinking this, he makes a point (albeit not a good one with his reasoning). Develepor’s should take a hint from Kojima and learn to end a character and start a new franchise or story.
The main reason I don’t own a Wii is because I’ve played *Mario* Kart, *Mario* spinoff, *Mario* Party, etc. etc. a million times.
I must say though that the article is poorly written. Retiring Samus because she is a woman is nothing more than sexism and doesn’t deserve a spot on this list.
Go ahead and bash the idea, you’re all just living in the past in my opinion. I welcome games with fresh character and respect those who are no longer with us (Here’s to you Solid Snake).
hahahahahahahaha great article. Really liked it. I feel really sorry for all these pesky emotional people who can’t take a joke. Get a life guys, go outside and play with some girls. Keep it up
So what I think is funny is that almost everyone on this list who said “OMG you want to kill off all the good/original/super-cool/blah,blah characters EVAR!!!” uhhh these are the same people who flame the fuck out of every gaming website when the newest sequel/prequel/addition to the series isn’t what THEY think it shoud be.You fanboy fucks need to shut the fuck up and let the industry progress, if not then every time I see one of you NOT wearing a Nightranger shirt and Zips shoes i’m punching you in the balls….
(you know because your stuck in the past and all..)
And for those of you who are going to say “Your not a gamer!! You don’t know!!!!” I was playing a colecovision and super famicom before most of you were cancelled abortions.
@author: I wish you weren’t gay.
You forgot Pac-Man….
hilarious pics though
I love how the author omitted just about every gaming staple, including generic characters. I would love to hear what he considers refreshing and new, or maybe better yet he needs to put the controllers down, because from the sounds of things there is nothing he would enjoy playing.
nobody here has a sense of humor except maybe the person who noticed the snake hiding under the orange box thingy.
Remove all of these characters and then… we will only be left with GTA games and racing games.
Lara Croft ??? XD
Just change all the text to “funny cosplay, enjoy” and it’ll be a better article
if it was “top ten cosplay people that have to die” then i would agree but y those character. people love those character n the company r giving us want we want. if the character suck n the game suck then the character will die. but if they good then they should live on. and if that hapen we dont want to see tons of wannabe character
I hate how people just want the same games with the same characters over and over and over again. Bravo on this list, we really do need something NEW to be released. One thing though, you forgot Mega Man, Pokemon, the Belmonts, and Ratchet and Clank.
I agree with the majority of comments that this is a very weak and bitchy article. You’re obviously not much of a gamer. Many of these characters are iconic and have been in some of the best games of recent years. You don’t want to play as Samus because she’s a woman? What the fuck is wrong with you? So what if she’s a woman? That doesn’t mean she won’t kick your fucking ass for being such a whiny bitch.
This whole article is pointless. I hope you get AIDS.
No Dante on the list…
Yeeeeah!!! Forza Del Destino!
Dante is the best!!!!!!
I’m seeing a lot of negative comments here, but you know what, I agree 100%! This is supposedly the next generation! Why do we keep reviving old characters? These guys have been in awesome games, but every time we make a sequel we lose out on a brand new IP which could be loads of fun.
lol this article is crap
You’ve got a couple of valid points, but throwing Samus away who has stared in nothing but awesome games and mentioning Lara Croft in the very same post who has been in nothing but crap-tastic games, but people still buy the damn series because somehow they believe that Lara will lose all her clothes in a fire or that her nipples will get erect when jumping in the water or whatnot is instant fail!
Also I can agree with you on Sonic and Mario, I think I’ve played my fair share of Sonic and Mario at the olympics, Sonic, Sonic and Mario the RPG and Sonic and Mario the Galge.
# Oliver July 4th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Did anyone else notice the irony of ‘Snake’ hiding under The Orange Box?
—-
Oliver, Snake has had the Orange box since the first MGS, so why not marvel at Steam’s homage to Hideo Kojima?
“Remove all of these characters and then… we will only be left with GTA games and racing games. :)”
Damn guys, have you EVER played any fricking game? Let me give you just a few examples:
*Portal: Cake jokes aside, GLaDOS has more funny lines and memorable moments that half the list put together (except maybe Snake). And we’re talking about a 5 hour game vs. around 20 years of gaming.
*System Shock 2: Another crazy-as-hell AI, but one that can put HAL-9000 to shame. A really creepy game.
*Half-Life: Gordon Freeman. ’nuff said.
*Monkey Island: Guybrush Threepwood. “I can hold my breath for ten minutes”. You SHOULD know what I’m talking about.
Altough I’ll pretend the Samus entry was just a (really bad) joke, the author makes a good point. Any of you who claims that killing those characters will kill gaming is either a drooling fanboy, or has played maybe 5 games in his entire lifetime.
The main reason the gaming industry can’t get the respect it deserves it’s because of people like YOU, who would rather play the same 4 or 5 mediocre games as long as they have blood, BFGs and some lame “tough guy” as the main character; or games that are just a slightly improved version of the last one.
So please, open up your mind and stop playing the same stuff over and over. There are literaly hundreds of underrated or unknown games that are waiting for you to pick them up.
ur are such a FACEHOLE!!! >:( mario and sonic are best you ganna kill kirby now to >:(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you suck the blackhole away your prably what caused it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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