TOP 10 Super Heroes Most Likely To Give You An STD

• Author: Top 10 Kid
• Filed under: Humor
• Date: Jun 2,2008

STD, or Sexually Transmitted Disease is an an unfortunate reality that many people have to live with in today’s world. Seventy million Americans, or every fourth person, has an STD. That includes Super Heroes.

10. Wolverine

Wolverine is about as animal as you can get. The only thing preventing him from dry-raping your leg is the small bit of human he has in him.

His feral condition has him constantly thinking about two things; the hunt and the hump.

Given his healing abilities it is understandable that Wolverine might not even know he’s carrying around all sorts of monkey virus strains and gonorrea, but you don’t have that his healing mutation so you’ll find out soon enough why he’s called Weapon X.

9. Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy is a slut.

Her main super power is poisoning her victims with a kiss. I won’t even go into her other body functions that involve toxins and possible yeast control.

She has a natural immunity to all bacteria, toxins and viruses but has no problem spreading them, much like her legs.

8. Gambit

Gambit is cajun.

I’m pretty sure he’s a gypsy too.

You know what that means…

STDS.

7. Human Torch

Johnny Storm loves attention. When discovering his powers, his first and foremost idea was to use it for celebrity in hopes that he would become a sex symbol.

He’s been in multiple relationships with women who turned out to be evil and even impregnated a Skrull double agent with what turned out to be an implanted weapon and not a baby.

Saying the Human Torch has been around is an understatement. Not only will he leave you for someone “hotter”, he’ll also most likely leave you with a burning sensation when you pee.

6. Rogue

Poor Rogue.

She is her own STD.

One night with Rogue is a death sentence. But instead of acknowledging the fact that she will forever be a sexless cat lady, Rogue focuses on wearing tight spandex over her busting cleavage and firm backside like she’s advertising for Maxim magazine, making most men actually consider the risk.

5. Iron Man

Millionaire playboy, alcoholic and womanizer. It’s no secret that Tony Stark loves the ladies and will give them a chance to play with the “Little Iron Man” at a moments notice.

But the combination of Iron Man’s heart condition, alcoholism and a general uncaring for others’ feelings is a sure sign of someone who is likely to pass around his syphilis like it’s a Grey Goose on the rocks.

4. The Flash

Let’s say you were as fast as the speed of light. That gives the term “quickie” a whole new meaning.

I’m not saying The Flash is a rapist or anything but given the opportunity to have sex with any woman he wants, so fast that she wouldn’t even be aware, is something that most guys might consider.

Also, he makes your typical “minute man” look like John Holmes on viagra which can really do alot to your self esteem. Now the fact that a horny, teenage Flash could go through the entire cheerleading squad in the tri-state area in the blink of an eye, odds are he’s contracted his fair share of diseases and even worse…you won’t even know if he’s had you already or not.

3. Toad

When you touch a toad, you get warts.

When you touch genitals with a toad, you get genital warts.

Reason enough to avoid this guy.

2. Thor

Gods and Immortals of Norse myths love doin’ the dirty. Not a one of them is monogamous, so why should Thor be any different?

He is the Thunder God after all and what woman is gonna turn down that kinda action, plus it doesn’t hurt that he’s a muscle-bound, flowing-haired Fabio type. Committing adultery might even be one of Thor’s alternate powers.

As a Nordic God there is always a catch, so somewhere in the fine print when recieving Thor’s Hammer you will probably also be recieving the Thunder Clap.

1. Aquaman

It is a known fact…

Aquaman will give you crabs.