TOP 10 Ways to Kill the Mood

• Author: Top 10 Kid
• Filed under: Humor
• Date: Aug 27,2007

10: LUBRICANTS

Don’t be cheap. Buy the real stuff. Grabbing a bottle of maple syrup or Elmer’s glue in the heat of the moment can really make things…sticky.

9: SEX GAMES

Twister can be fun. Maybe even naked charades. Paintball is a bad idea.

8: SOCK PUPPETS

Sock puppets are not hot. Not even if you are doing it “hands free”.

7: VIDEOTAPE

Video taping your lovemaking is fine. But a film crew might be too much.

6: EXOTIC ANIMALS

This ain’t Tijuana so keep the donkey out of it!

5: GUESTS

Sure you may want to try a threesome one day but inviting people is tricky and you don’t want to allow the wrong person into the bedroom. You know, like Screech from Saved by the Bell or that guy from Just Shoot Me.

4: COSTUMES

If she dresses as a French Maid for you, thats acceptable, not to mention really awesome. But if you wear the French Maid costume, count on actually cleaning the place because you aren’t getting any.

3: ROLE-PLAYING

Role-playing is a good idea once in awhile, but not when you are using the same character from your D&D meetings. “I cast a +3 Boobie Fondle on my Gloves of HornDawg.” says the level 41 Wang Knight.

2: IMPRESSIONS

Do not say “Would you like my Jell-O pudding pop?” in a bad Bill Cosby impression. Especially if you’re some white guy named Steve.

1: TOYS

If you need to kickstart it, it doesn’t belong in your bedroom…let alone your partner.